Two Musings

By- K. Parthasarathi
Chennai
kpartha12@gmail.com
http://kparthas.blogspot.in/
http://kpsarathi.blogspot.in/

Interruption- 'the bane of conversation'

My daughter one day was discussing with me some matter of importance when her son of seven years interrupted her calling “Mom, mom, listen to me.” She did not pay attention to him and continued talking to me. His interruptions became persistent and louder. She lost her cool and shouted at him angrily “How many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I am talking to someone and that it is bad manners to butt in without saying excuse me; Have I not told you to wait for some time and talk when there is a pause unless the matter was extremely urgent?” When I counseled her patience citing the boy is young, she said that he is not correcting himself despite her repeated admonitions. He exhibits impatience if his interruption is not acknowledged immediately

It was then I thought to myself how many of us, grown up individuals, interrupt others in the middle even as they are talking. Many of us not only break into the conversation of two people like a bull in china shop but also interrupt the other person with whom we are conversing in the middle of his talk. We do not have the patience to allow the other person to complete his say and instead we finish his sentences. The moment we hear the first two sentences, we think we know the drift and assume ourselves what he/she wished to say and proceed to give our(mostly) rebuttals or our views. We would have even thought out our sentences even while the other person was speaking paying little attention to what was being said.

Conversation, we fail to realize, is a two way street. It is not a race to determine who speaks the most. Interrupting a person who is speaking is bad decorum. It is the characteristic of only very young children to keep talking without anyone listening. They keep talking simultaneously or by turns with no real conversation taking place. Talking is easier than listening. Listening calls for some effort.

I have seen in innumerable conferences people giving scant attention to the speaker(s) but keep writing notes on what they wished to say when their turn comes. Some keep rising to ask questions without allowing the speaker to conclude. How can they understand or answer the points spoken by the other speakers if they do not hear fully but engage themselves in other pursuits like making notes, whispering to the adjacent person, yawning or sleeping. These are much worse than interrupting as they indicate to the speaker that he is not wanted. They are also apt to miss the important observations made and may also lose the opportunity to contest the points if wrongly made when their turn comes. Most importantly they learn nothing new. When they speak, very often they talk upon the points already covered.

There are many dimensions to listening skill. We have only examined the interruption aspect of it. This listening skill is very essential for succeeding in life and for making ourselves acceptable in social and business circles. To put it in another way, paying undivided attention to what is being said and understanding the message conveyed fully is a vital component of good conversation or interaction. Mark Twain put it with his inimitable sarcasm that “There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting."

The little things that count in our life-

When I opened my eyes from my sleep one fine morning at 5am, I found my eight year old grandson sitting by my side holding my hand and smiling at me. I was surprised and asked him when he got up and what he was doing. He said, “fifteen minutes back, grandpa and just watching you sleep peacefully. I do that almost daily.” I smiled back at him and that whole day I felt very happy. He added, he found it nice holding my hand and waiting for me to wake up. The innocent gesture of a pleasant smile from the little lad lightened my heart. The little smile in that early morning determined the rest of my day of 23 hours and 59 minutes with me basking in the knowledge of my being loved by someone. 

Whenever I left for office, my wife invariably stood at the balcony and ready to wave her hand at me when I turned the corner of the road. She put off all her work to be there on all days and I invariably turned to see her standing. There was nothing great as we were together all the time I was at home .But yet this small act of hers made me happy as I looked forward to a gruelling day ahead at the office. 

A Hi or Ram Ram to another jogger as I jogged along in the park cost me nothing but earned tremendous good will. A hello to the paper boy or a small coin to a beggar woman on the way side are small things for us but go to boost the spirit of others..These are petty things that we should do but do not remember to do.

I have found that others extend the same gestures to me like, when I am standing in the queue for paying my bill. Someone much younger in age offers to pay mine along with his while I sit in the chair. Such acts give happiness to the giver as well as the receiver. Caring for small things that concern others takes us nearer God. Happiness is a state of mind. It is not in the external things like riches, comforts and material possessions..It lies in your being satisfied with what you have and sharing with others what you can.. Little things actually make us happy like the cool breeze as you stand at the balcony, chirping of the birds at the window sill as you rise in the morning, a multi coloured sky in the evening, the relentless waves beating the rocks, the joy in the urchins playing on the road, or a happy child with a rattler in hand. Happiness can be found everywhere if we deign to see and also lies in making others smile. There are innumerable little things in life for us to be happy about, if only we care to look for them. Try it out on your wife by expressing your delight at the dinner she served. Look at the broad grin on her face and the affection she shows thereafter. We should develop certain amount of selfless nature to appreciate the good things in others. It comes by habit.